English Camp is an amazing week. From language instruction,
to sports, singing together, Talks, and creative activities, each day fills up
with a multiplicity of exciting and challenging activities and conversations.
This year was no different. The week started with rejoicing in reuniting with
old friends and the anxious joy of meeting new people. As the week went on,
though, I found myself not feeling the joy and excitement that camp usually
brings.
The theme at this year’s camp was Freedom and each night the
students went to different talks about this topic. I shared with the students
about how we are slaves to our desires and how this had played out in my life
leading to a time of depression. I was sharing with the students that my
selfishness and desire for my plans success had lead me to a time were I had
lost joy and happiness. I was sharing that true freedom came from a personal
relationship with God and that was the only way to have hope even in times of
darkness and depression.
At camp though, I found myself pursuing my expectations and
living selfishly. I had a specific way I wanted my class to be run. I had
expectations about how I would be the happy, outgoing, and make connections
quickly with students. I was a slave to my expectations, both for myself and
for others. Three days into camp, I started to see that I was losing sight of
the joy and happiness of camp. I wasn’t depressed, but I was stressed out and felt
like a failure. However, an amazing thing happened. Instead of seeing this in
retrospect, God opened my eyes to it while it was happening. Through a
conversation with a friend, I was able to see how my selfishness and misplaced
desires were darkening my soul and restricting my freedom. The very thing I was
sharing with the students each night was playing out in real time at camp. I
spent time confessing these things and praying for God’s help. The rest of the
week got a lot brighter. There were still challenges, but by the grace of God,
I met them with peace and a sense of freedom. I stopped trying to do everything
according to my own plans and or ways. I listened to God’s call to freedom,
following the opportunities He had set up to share my life in the lessons and
with the students. I stopped expecting everyone else to act in the ways I had
expected and saw how God using different people in different ways.
English Camp has been God’s tool to show me His love and
kindness. I see this in new ways each year, and I am so thankful for the work
He did in my life this year.
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